finding the words

Some days everything seems to snap into place,  some days things seem so disconnected.  I think about how Mateo’s brain is wired. Why some days, he will blurt out full sentences and say hi to everyone without being asked to and he seems like every other three year old boy. And other days I have to pry and pull each word out of him, and I can see the frustration in his eyes. Sometimes I can see his brain trying to  connect the dots, just like looking at the stars and trying to put the constellation together, his brain will work so hard to find the words to say.

He hands me a granola bar. And he will look at me. I will always say the same thing, “What do you want?” And he will stand there, beautiful brown eyes wide and think. I imagine he’s thinking, “What does she want me to say?”.  Sometimes he will blurt out “Open!”. And I get excited, and tell him, “Great job Mateo! Open!” And other times he will just look away. Does he not remember the word Open? Does he just not feel up to finding the words? Is he just being stubborn and hoping I will give in without forcing him to tell me? I think it’s the latter.

It’s easier for me to just open the bar and hand it back, it’s easier for both of us, but I don’t. I know it’s not helping him. He needs to learn to communicate with words.

It gets better though, sometimes I will see huge improvements in just a week. But he is always going to have to put the dots together in his brain, make it connect, it will never come easy for him. Something most of us take for granted, is simply finding the words.

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2 Responses to finding the words

  1. Melissa says:

    I’m so sorry about the frustration and sorrow you must feel. I’m so thankful for the victories Mateo achieves. Go Mateo!!!! 😉

  2. Pingback: A thankful blog « Mateo's Story – growing up with autism.

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